Kurt Hummel (
sweetporcelain) wrote2012-10-09 06:43 pm
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blainewanderson: The Make-Up
Kurt took a deep breath as the cab stopped outside of Blaine's house, staring at the building. For so long, the sight of that front path had made his heart giddy with happiness, and so it felt more than a little strange to feel such dread today, faced with the same sight.
Paying the driver the horrendous fare, Kurt steeled himself and got out, duffel over one shoulder and a large sketchbook clasped to his chest. He hesitated on the curb, going through what he intended to say one final time in his head before there was nothing more for it. Walking slowly to the door, he pressed the bell. And waited.
Paying the driver the horrendous fare, Kurt steeled himself and got out, duffel over one shoulder and a large sketchbook clasped to his chest. He hesitated on the curb, going through what he intended to say one final time in his head before there was nothing more for it. Walking slowly to the door, he pressed the bell. And waited.
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Instead, he followed Blaine into the house in silence, making sure that Blaine lead the way even though he knew exactly where they were going.
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"My family is out, and the help is shopping, so we can speak here or go around the pool to the guest house. Either is fine by me," he added with such politeness it was as if he had been replaced with a pod person.
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"Please, I need you to be... you. I want to talk to Blaine. Not... this."
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"Will you... There are things I want to ask. Things I need to know. Will you promise to answer me honestly? Even if you don't think I'll like the answer?"
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Blaine nodded, looking at him directly. "I swear. I'll be entirely honest."
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There was nothing else he could do to hold back this moment. It was time to ask the questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to. As far as he was concerned, the answers Blaine gave in the next few minutes would make all the difference between whether they stayed together or went their separate ways.
"Tell me what happened with this boy. Exactly what happened."
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He paused, collecting himself, and began again. "He asked if we could meet in person. I said, sure, I thought it would be fun to get coffee together, go to a movie, something, just so I had someone to talk to that really wanted to talk to me back, someone that wasn't too busy. He suggested we would have more privacy at his place... I know that should have set off bells but honestly I would have met him anywhere. So... we were hanging out in his room, just goofing off, you know, he was funny, playful. He said... he said he liked me more than as a friend. He said he thought I was sexy. He... kissed me. And I let him... Then I kissed him back. Really kissed him back, lying back on the bed kissing, frantic and passionate kissing." Tears started to drip down his face onto his pants but he didn't seem to notice. "He was on top of me, and whispered that he wanted me to get undressed, that he wanted me. I could... feel exactly what he meant. And... for a moment, I thought I might actually do it. It felt so good to be wanted. But... I stopped him. I said I couldn't... He thought I just wasn't ready yet. He drove me home, and kissed me again, saying he'd wait until I was ready, that he wanted us to be together. I... just got out of the car. He sent me texts, kept leaving me notes online... I felt so guilty I couldn't answer him. He asked for us to meet again, that he missed me. I... I came to New York instead. You know the... rest."
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"And..." his voice wavered, and he took a moment to pull himself together. "And why did you come to New York? Why me, and not... Eli?"
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"Isn't that what you want?"
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He shook his head. Kurt didn't need to hear all that. His ending with Eli was something he had to do alone. "I don't expect us to be together anymore, Kurt. I meant every word I wrote. But it's only you I really want. I would rather be alone now, then seek a substitute. You are the the most incredible boy in the whole wide world. You are my soul-mate, Kurt Hummel. I belonged to you from the moment I first laid eyes on you."
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I know I got carried away. I could have made more effort to keep in touch, and to listen. And I can change that. But I need to know that this is... this is it. I can't go through this again. I can't make up and move on and have this happen all over again 2 months down the line when you next feel lonely. You need to decide whether you can wait for me until the summer."
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He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I know. I know I have to wait for you. I know that I have to wait until May. I screwed up. And you have no reason to really believe me. But I promise, it's you. Just you. No matter how I feel, no matter how lonely I get, I will not break my vow to you again, for the rest of our lives. I want you to be the only boy I ever kiss goodnight and curl around and cherish. I want you."
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"I want you to see this," he said after a moment of silence, and gently passes the sketchbook he's been holding so tightly to over to Blaine. "This is... I've never let anyone see this. Ever. I was going to show you on our wedding day. But... I want you to see it now. I started it after... after the first time we talked seriously about the future. When we agreed that we wanted to marry each other, one day. It's... my scrapbook for the future."
Inside the book were pages after pages of Kurt's plans for the future, and almost all of them involved Blaine in some way, shape or form. Some had already come to pass; his outfit for senior prom, interior design for his first New York apartment. Others were still a way away; several pages dedicated to planning his wedding, including a ring design that matched the promise ring he was still wearing today. Some sketches of what the "Anderson-Hummel" brand might look like, various stylisings and intertwinings of the letters A and K. Lists of baby names, underneath a list of Blaine's loves and passions ("Disney" and "fairytales" were circled).
"That's the future of my dreams," Kurt explained quietly. "That's the future I want. You are my future, and I don't want that to change. But I need to know, now, if that's not the same future that you want for yourself."
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He softly traced his fingers up over Kurt's cheek, just a perfect and precious as anything in his book. "I love you," he said with immense assuredness, a new focused look in his eyes, seeing the wide path laid before them and the path he must walk to get there, without distraction, without doubt.
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"I love you so much," he murmured before kissing Blaine back.
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"I never want another week like this one."
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