For blainewanderson: The Make-Up

[sweetporcelain]

Kurt took a deep breath as the cab stopped outside of Blaine's house, staring at the building. For so long, the sight of that front path had made his heart giddy with happiness, and so it felt more than a little strange to feel such dread today, faced with the same sight.

Paying the driver the horrendous fare, Kurt steeled himself and got out, duffel over one shoulder and a large sketchbook clasped to his chest. He hesitated on the curb, going through what he intended to say one final time in his head before there was nothing more for it. Walking slowly to the door, he pressed the bell. And waited.

Comments

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

Blaine let out a shuddering breath. "I thought I did. I mean, I do, sort of, I don't want to feel crushed by loneliness... but I can't be with him. I can't love him back. It would be cruel. I would only be leading him on worse than I already did. I can only offer him amends and say goodbye. Let him call me names and unfriend me, it will be better for him that way."

He shook his head. Kurt didn't need to hear all that. His ending with Eli was something he had to do alone. "I don't expect us to be together anymore, Kurt. I meant every word I wrote. But it's only you I really want. I would rather be alone now, then seek a substitute. You are the the most incredible boy in the whole wide world. You are my soul-mate, Kurt Hummel. I belonged to you from the moment I first laid eyes on you."

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

Blaine's last words brought a small, watery smile to Kurt's face. "I want us to be together, Blaine. More than anything, I do. But I just... I don't understand what makes you so sure that it's me you really want. I love you, but I love what I have in New York, too. I can't come back to Lima and sit at home just to make sure that you're not going to be lonely.

I know I got carried away. I could have made more effort to keep in touch, and to listen. And I can change that. But I need to know that this is... this is it. I can't go through this again. I can't make up and move on and have this happen all over again 2 months down the line when you next feel lonely. You need to decide whether you can wait for me until the summer."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"I love you too. So much," Blaine nodded, sniffling. "And I don't want you to either. I don't, I swear. I am so proud of what you've accomplished. I knew someone would see your gift. I knew it. I just didn't know what would happen to me without you. I thought I could handle it. I didn't know the extent of how weak I was, or the growing I need to do to deserve you."

He wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. "I know. I know I have to wait for you. I know that I have to wait until May. I screwed up. And you have no reason to really believe me. But I promise, it's you. Just you. No matter how I feel, no matter how lonely I get, I will not break my vow to you again, for the rest of our lives. I want you to be the only boy I ever kiss goodnight and curl around and cherish. I want you."

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

Kurt ducked his head as his eyes welled up, sniffing loudly.

"I want you to see this," he said after a moment of silence, and gently passes the sketchbook he's been holding so tightly to over to Blaine. "This is... I've never let anyone see this. Ever. I was going to show you on our wedding day. But... I want you to see it now. I started it after... after the first time we talked seriously about the future. When we agreed that we wanted to marry each other, one day. It's... my scrapbook for the future."

Inside the book were pages after pages of Kurt's plans for the future, and almost all of them involved Blaine in some way, shape or form. Some had already come to pass; his outfit for senior prom, interior design for his first New York apartment. Others were still a way away; several pages dedicated to planning his wedding, including a ring design that matched the promise ring he was still wearing today. Some sketches of what the "Anderson-Hummel" brand might look like, various stylisings and intertwinings of the letters A and K. Lists of baby names, underneath a list of Blaine's loves and passions ("Disney" and "fairytales" were circled).

"That's the future of my dreams," Kurt explained quietly. "That's the future I want. You are my future, and I don't want that to change. But I need to know, now, if that's not the same future that you want for yourself."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

Blaine ran his fingertips gently over the drawings as if they were rare and precious things and should not be touched too much, the hesitant way one touched something in a museum, knowing they were in the presence of greatness. He looked at Kurt, a wide-eyed wonder in his face, an understanding that broke through all the self-involved wallowing he had been deeply entrenched in, and a smile broke out on his face, feeling like an old friend he had missed. "This is everything I want. Everything. I can not imagine anything more perfect or beautiful than what you drew in this book."

He softly traced his fingers up over Kurt's cheek, just a perfect and precious as anything in his book. "I love you," he said with immense assuredness, a new focused look in his eyes, seeing the wide path laid before them and the path he must walk to get there, without distraction, without doubt.

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

"I love you, too," Kurt returned the smile, tears threatening to spill any moment now. "And I believe you, and I forgive you."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"Thank you. Thank you so much, Kurt," Blaine said, and even though he didn't deserve it, didn't have the right, he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his mouth.

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

On the drive over, Kurt had worried that if they did make up, they'd never be able to move on. That when they did kiss again, all he'd be able to think about was the other boy Blaine had had his lips against. But now that they were here, Eli doesn't even begin to cross his mind. All he can think about is that he has Blaine kissing him again, loving him, and everything was going to be okay.

"I love you so much," he murmured before kissing Blaine back.

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"All my heart, Kurt, all of it," he whispered back, letting the kiss deepen, then ebb and flow between them, reuniting them, their promises to each other, their devotion and love, determined that he would do this right, this second chance, that he would prove himself to be the man that Kurt should spend his life with.

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

When Kurt couldn't hold them back any longer, he let the tears come. Reaching for Blaine, he wrapped himself around the love of his life, holding him tight and crying his relief into his shoulder.

"I never want another week like this one."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

Blaine wrapped his arms around him tightly, enveloping him. "I swear, Kurt. Never again. Never. I will never jeopardize our life together again. I love you. I'm so sorry I failed you," he whispered as he pressed soft, apologetic kisses along his throat, feeling like he was home again, finally.

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

"I don't want to live without you," Kurt said as he continued to sob, clutching large handfuls of the back of Blaine's shirt.

"You're my forever."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"You're my forever too, Kurt, I swear," Blaine held him impossibly close, breathing him in, feeling turned inside out and backwards. "I'll make you happy again, I will."

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

"I'm happy now," Kurt promised, before laughing at how ridiculous it sounded when he couldn't even keep his voice from wavering.

"I am. Really. I mean it."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"Obviously, baby," Blaine laughed quietly, nuzzling. "I am too. I feel crazy and delusional, but happy. I just cannot live without you. I can't."

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

Kurt carried on squeezing Blaine tight, struggling to find the willpower even to relax his arms just a little bit.

"I don't want to let you go," he admitted with a little laugh. "I want to hug you forever."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

Blaine smiled. "I'm not going to stop you! I'm going to let you carry me around with you back to New York. I'll get my GED on my phone. Separating is for amateurs!"

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

Finally, with immense effort, Kurt pulled back, though his hands remained firm against Blaine's shoulders.

"We'll do this properly, this time. I swear to you, right now, that I won't miss any more Skype dates or phone dates unless I absolutely have no other choice. If you ring and I can't pick up, I promise to call you back as soon as I possibly can. And whenever you want to come and visit, I promise I'll drop anything else I have planned that weekend to spend all my time with you. And if you want me back in Lima at any time, then if it's at all possible I'll be here."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"We should share. I'll come to New York once a month, every month until I graduate. I think my parents will entirely back off. And if I am going to find a tiny ray of light in all of this, that's it. Then you can come for holidays and when you visit your family," Blaine suggested.

"I know this new job is going to keep you hopping, and I want you to dedicate yourself to it, it's clearly a path to your future, so we should call or Skype on Sunday nights during Treme, and let each other know our schedules for the week so we can decide when calling or Skyping is reasonable. Plus I'll Tweet you all the time," he added, brushing a soft kiss over his cheek. "We'll make this work. It's only until May. Then I'm yours forever and ever."

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

"Alright. But... then I want you to dedicate yourself to McKinley, too. I don't want you to be lonely here, and friendless. Maybe you did move school for me, but that doesn't mean they're not your friends too. Hell, most of the guys liked you more than me, even before I graduated. And you've got a student council to run, Mr. President."

As sure as he was that they would make it, Kurt still hated that they had to live this way until May.

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"I promise. And I'm going to try out the musical, and sectionals will be coming soon. I might even call some of the Warblers, mend fences before I leave Ohio for good. Maybe see if Cooper will come visit again. But you are right. I need to make my niche in the time that's left. So I can look back and share good memories with our children someday. And not just that Daddy was a needy douche-bag for a year, then we got married," Blaine said with a sigh.

He smiled a little. "Will you be designing our prom outfits, Mr. Vogue Important Guy?"

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

Kurt nodded, glad Blaine was willing to try and find a life in Lima, at least for the next 6 months. He gave his boyfriend another kiss before smiling at the prom outfit question.

"Just as soon as you tell me what the theme is, I'll get right on it."

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

"Not dinosaurs. Or clouds. Or unicorns. And hair gel is a must," he laughed. "But I am going to put it to vote, I want to do what everyone wants to do. As long as I have my favorite slow dance partner, it's going to be perfect."

[prancysmurf.livejournal.com]

"I'll be there," Kurt promised. "No matter what. Even if I am expected to dress up as a cloud. Or a unicorn."

He gave Blaine a warm, reassuring smile, before leaning in for another kiss or two.

[blainewanderson.livejournal.com]

Blaine smiled against his mouth, stroking his fingertips along his throat lightly. "What if I decree a Garden of Eden theme? Will you wear fig leaves for me?"